Monday, May 4, 2009

Why am I such a jerk sometimes?

I realize this may not be a question that the whole world has asked at some point, but I think you might be surprised at how many people have asked that question. No, I don't mean people wonder why THEY are jerks. They've wondered why I, your friend Solid, have been such a jerk. And I guess no one's wondered that more than me.

I can hear you now, my friend. You're saying, "Poor Solid! Why is he so hard on himself?" Listen, I get it. I'm not saying I'm a jerk. For goodness sake! Have you met me?? I'm awesome! (...most of the time.)

But seriously, I have my jerky moments. Like yesterday....

Without getting into the gory details, let's just say that I was already in the doghouse a little bit, and I knew it. This doesn't happen often, but every once in a while I'll do something that makes me feel so guilty that my wife will have to comfort me, even though she was the offended party. I realize that sounds weird. I guess I am hard on myself.

And so typically we'll both get a little emotional. She may cry. My eyes may leak. (I have this weird disorder that makes my eyes leak from time to time. No, not crying. I never cry.)

My wife....let's call her "Wifey," since that's what I usually call her anyway. (Don't make fun. It works for us.) Wifey is such a good wife. I'm apologizing profusely, and she keeps telling me it's ok, even though I know it's not. And finally she comes and sits in my lap and hugs me and kisses me all over, and I really do feel better.

So then I went to work on my guitar neck. Yes, for those of you that don't know this, since last May I've been trying to build a guitar. More on that later. Anyway, I was working on the neck and I made a bad mistake. Understand, this is my fifth attempt at making a guitar neck, and it's the kind of thing where months of work can be undone in seconds. I think I can fix this one, but it had me worried.

I took a break to eat the dinner Wifey made me. (She's such a good Wifey.) I was saying a blessing for the Reduced Fat Hebrew National hot dogs I was having for dinner, and all of a sudden I launched into this long faith rant that went something like, "God, you grew those trees, and you can grow back that part I accidentally sawed off! In JESUS NAME, I believe now that you will make that guitar neck RIGHT, and..."

And I looked up and saw Wifey scowling at me. Generally, she'd be really proud of me for exercising faith like that, even for something as silly as my guitar neck. The problem was that she'd been sick all day. She had to go sit in the car for a while during church, and had spent a large part of the afternoon on the internet trying to figure out what was wrong.

First came recognition. For my female readers, let me give you a little insight. It goes something like this...

"Uh-oh, she's mad. I know I did something wrong. What was it? Think! Think! Hmm... No clue. Guess I'll have to ask. Here goes nothing."

"Did...I say something wrong?" Mind you, this was right in the middle of my attempt to ask God's blessings over dinner.

A moment's pause. Then, "If you're going to pray over that guitar neck, and not pray for me...."

Oh yeah.

"And God, I was saving the MOST IMPORTANT THING for last! Please..."

You get the idea.

But anyway, back to my original question, why am I such a jerk sometimes? I'm thinking about the people that are likely to read this, and thinking about all the times I've been jerks to them. So let me just say, sorry folks. I don't want to be a jerk.

Well, maybe if it's REALLY funny, but even then I'll try to restrain myself.

Work in progress here.


P.S. If you're reading this blog anyway, why not sign up as a follower, or leave a comment? I seem to thrive on attention, which is yet ANOTHER reason I'm a jerk sometimes! Yay me!


  1. I'm loving the blog bro! Keem 'em coming. I feel you on this one man. I, too, am a jerk. I was just talking to Jeff about this. I hate that I can be such a tool to people sometimes. That's not who I want to be, but it's there & it shows itself often. I feel like Paul & this is my thorn. Ugh! Fortunately, Jesus has smoothed many of my rough edges down, but apparently, I have a lot of edges to smooth... I hope wifey is feeling better. Talk to you later (probably at work when I need NOC help).

  2. Man, wouldn't that be hilarious if that was what Paul was talking about? "Goh! I'm such an IDIOT! God, give me a clue!"

  3. That is hilarious! We have had similar moments in our house, so this really made me laugh. I love when Jason gets that look on his face--"Oh Lord, I know I've screwed up...but I have no idea how."