Monday, June 8, 2009

Can't I just sleepwalk like everyone else?

Last night I dreamed I was in a swimming pool with a bunch of friends, and I think I was a kid. I challenged everyone to a race, and several people went to the edge of the pool. I had one hand on the edge and partially pulled myself out of the water so I could launch off for a good start.




I launched! And hit the headboard really hard. Ow. That woke me up.

I do this sort of thing a lot. Later in the night I dreamed I was being attacked, and I performed a perfect roundhouse kick to the head of my opponent. I know it was a perfect roundhouse kick because I could tell from the drywall pattern on my toes that my foot position was exactly right. Yep. Kicked the wall so hard I broke a toenail and made white spots on my first three toes. It really was a nice kick though.

It hurt, but honestly I was just grateful I’d only hurt myself. Before I go to sleep at night, I pray I’ll stay still, and especially that I won’t hurt Wifey. Once I got mad in a dream and punched straight down into a desk. Unfortunately, in the real world, she was right where that desk was in my dream.

I felt awful. There are no words.

Another time I dreamed I was at the ocean. (More water. I know, Freud.) The water was only about two feet deep, but I put on my goggles and put my head under the water to look out. As soon as I put my head under, the scariest fish you’ve ever seen swam straight at me with his jagged teeth bared! I kicked to get away…

Unfortunately, I’ve got a pretty good swim kick. Sorry sweetheart.

I didn’t know how much I did this stuff until I got married. But I know I’ve done it for years. There was a time when I was about thirteen that my brother tells me I got out of bed, walked around, went back to bed, sat up again, and screamed, “I WON! C’MON MAN! I WON!!!”

I really wouldn’t care if it weren’t for Wifey. I rarely do something as dramatic as smashing a toenail, but I hate going to bed afraid I might hurt her. So far it hasn’t been that bad. But what if I punched her in the nose or something? I don’t even want to think about that. I guess a sleep study or something might be in order? Or maybe I should keep praying. I haven’t hurt her since I started praying. I just don’t know what to do.

What would you do? I need some good advice.




  1. Gosh, you're lucky she hasn't surprized you with twin beds!

  2. The part where you kicked the wall and hit the headboard made me laugh--but I promise I didn't laugh at the parts where you accidentally hit your sweet wife. I tell ya, the more I read about this girl, the more saintly she sounds! :)

    I think prayer and then maybe a consult with a sleep specialist may be in order. In the meantime, be thankful that you have such a vivid imagination. It's a sign of great intelligence, I'm sure!

  3. David,
    If you will think back to my experience, sleep walking isn't all that great either. Too many people remember.